EDGY BUT STILL POLITE
thats somehow really adorable
Every time i see this i laugh
Reminder that this was the most eurovision song of all time.
Been crying at everything all day, so now I’m watching Zoolander and eating cookies.
You’re so right, Derek, there’s more to life than being really really really good looking.
Zardoz is a beautiful movie. I encourage everyone to see it.
HI I’M BACK FROM HANSEL AND GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS. it was the best movie i’ve ever seen i feel that it will be regarded as our generation’s citizen kane. you need to see this movie. i saw it in imax 3D because it was the only choice but i’d recommend it. reasons to see this movie:
- it makes NO SENSE AT ALL. the whole thing operates on a level of logic that’s maybe 2-3 levels away from ours - not above or below it, but to the left of it. maybe a diagonal south/southwest thing going on. like the script was gently crafted in an almost-parallel universe and drifted through space for thousands of years until it fell into our world.
- hansel has diabetes and it’s really the only consistent plot point
- there is a TWILIGHT TROLL. up until that point i had been trying not to laugh openly in the theatre but the moment gretel chooses to ask for her troll-savior’s name instead of thanking him and he breathe-grunts out “edward” the whole audience fucking lost it. it was the strongest group bond i have felt in years
- they have a fucking TASER.
- it’s set in a strongly “european” village but the time period is indistinct i think they went for a vague 17th century feel and everyone is speaking some kind of archaic dialect with assorted accents. except. hansel and gretel. they have a one-man fanclub who also doesn’t have an accent but hansel and gretel basically just stab things and wear leather and call the things they stabbed earlier motherfuckers.
- the only other plot point beyond the diabetes thing is something called a BLOOD MOON
- hansel fucks a witch in a pond
- remember the collapsible travel mug bong from the cabin in the woods? they have that, but it’s a gun.
- they also have a wagon full of guns. just a full wagon of guns. hansel’s got a dick-gun and gretel has a weird crossbow but the rest of the guns are just guns. not pseudo-baroque guns. not penis guns. just guns. they’re just guns.
- i gotta repeat this they have a TASER. A TASER. A WIND-UP TASER.
- gretel runs around in like leather jeggings i saw at H&M one time that i’m kind of pissed i didn’t buy but also she wears like??? a very bodice-like top. it’s just a fucking bodice. this kid in the movie draws anime fanart of her and he draws her breasts like snowglobes and she’s just wearing jeggings and a fucking bodice
- hansel and gretel don’t really interact that much but when they DO they’re either trading corny witch-killing oneliners or acting like they’re about to kiss.
- ok you know how jeremy renner looks kind of like a bulb. not a specific type of bulb not like the light kind or the plant kind and not extreme enough to be “bulbous” just. the dude’s a bulb. you’re allowed to want to fuck that bulb but he’s a little bit of a bulb.
- anyway they cast the LEAST FUCKING RENNERESQUE CHILD ON THE PLANET AS KID-HANSEL like ok not the least-renneresque like as long as they were white and short they couldn’t have fucked up too badly but the kid is all like vaguely-elfin and pointy and then you get to jeremy renner and it’s like the first fucking scene and you just let the movie have it. it is enjoying itself and YOU are enjoying yourself. it’s like the length of a disney movie and it’s absolutely shameless and free of pretension or self-consciousness. it’s beautiful.
in conclusion i give this movie a 1/10, but within that 1 is 100/10. within that one is infinity. this was the most i have enjoyed a movie since paranorman. i believe in this movie. i believe in hansel and gretel: witch hunters. goodbye. i’m leaving the earth
So, tumblr has rekindled my desire to create visual art, and share it. Drawing, painting, Photoshop, etc. It’s been years. I fell into the trap of, “I’m just drawing for fun, I’m not a ~real artist~, so there’s no point in creating anything”. Also, I had someone I trusted tell me my art wasn’t worth anything. But.
I now believe that creating art doesn’t need to be serious. It can be for no other reason than personal enjoyment. And that person was both an asshole and a compulsive liar.
It’s interesting though that Tumblr specifically has sparked me though. I think it’s:
1) Because this is such a visual medium, and pictures are a large part of Tumblr communication.
2) Because there is such a wide range of art. A spectrum of style and talent. So it’s less intimidating.
3) Many people are just creating for the fun of it, and that’s encouraged.
gonna watch this tonight
This movie. THIS MOVIE. *flail*
Oh god, I thought this was the Phantom’s mask.
Can the Phantom please have a donut mask from now on?
And then when he kidnaps Christine and she wakes up, she can eat his mask because she’s hungry because he didn’t let her have dinner with Raoul, and then Eric has to get a whole different donut mask because Christine ate the first one.
And then when he comes in at the end of Masquerade, he’s wearing a whole cake on his face.
The PHAAANNNNTOM OF THE BAKERY IS THERRREEEEEE.
INSIDE YOUR PIESSSSSS.
IN SLEEP HE BAKED FOR ME
IN DREAMS SOUFLE’D
DESSERT WHICH CALLS TO ME
AND GIVES ME CAKE
AND DO I EAT AGAIN?
FOR NOW I FIND
THE PHANTOM OF THE BAKERY IS THERE
INSIDE MY PIES
FATHER ONCE SPOKE OF A BAKER
I USED TO DREAM HE’D APPEAR
NOW AS I SING I CAN SMELL HIM
AND I KNOWWWW HEEEE’S HERREEEEEEEE
TWISTED EVERY WAY
WHAT PRETZELS CAN I TASTE?
AM I TO WISK MY EGGS
TO WIN THE CHANCE TO BASTE?
CAN I BETRAY THE MAN WHO ONCE INSPIRED MY BREAD?
DO I BECOME HIS CAKE? CAN I HAVE CREPES INSTEAD?
HE STIRS WITHOUT A THOUGHT
HE FLAMBÉES ALL THAT’S GOOD
I KNOW I CAN’T REFUSE
AND YET I WISH I COULD
OH GOD IF I AGREE WHAT CONFECTIONS WAIT FOR ME
IN THIS, THE PHANTOM’S BAKERY?
THINK OF BREAD
THINK OF BREAD FONDLY
WHEN WE’VE SAID GOODBYE
REMEMBER CAKE ONCE IN A WHILE
PLEASE PROMISE ME YOU’LL TRY
THEN YOU’LL FIND THAT ONCE AGAIN YOU LONG
TO TAKE YOUR PIE BACK AND BE FREE
IF YOU EVER FIND A COOKIE
SPARE ONE BITE FOR ME
ALL I ASK IS EVERY BITE OF COOKIE
SAY THE WORD AND I WILL BAKE FOR YOU
SHARE EACH SNACK WITH ME, EACH PIE, EACH CUPCAKE
ANYTHING YOU EAT, LET ME EAT TOO
LOVE BREAD, THAT’S ALL I ASK OF YOU
WHAT RAGING FIRE SHALL BURN THE BUNS?
WHAT RICH DARK CHOCOLATES ICE THIS CAKE?
WHAT SWEET CONFECTIONS LIE BEFORE US?
PAST THE POINT OF NO CUPCAKES
THE FINAL FLAMBE
WHAT WARM UNSPOKEN PASTRIES WILL WE MAKE?
BEYOND THE POINT OF NO CUPCAKES
YOU ALONE CAN MAKE THESE DONUTS RIGHT
HELP ME BAKE THE CUPCAKES OF THE NIGHT
HIS PIES WILL FIND ME THERE
THOSE PIES THAT BURN
AND IF HE HAS TO BREAK A THOUSAND EGGS
THE PHANTOM OF THE BAKERY WILL BEAT AND WHIP AGAIN
at the sheer number of boobs there are on the internet.
And each day more are uploaded.
There are. So. Many. Boobs.
And never will I get to see them all.
A lonely tear trickles down my cheek.
~this has been a poem about boobs on the internet~
Haight Ashbury - San Francisco, CA
Cormac M. | Author | Lost in the chaparral, NM
Ballard sawed his brocklefaced mount around and faced the line of raiders. A stinking host clad in patchwork tunics of brightest cotton. As if their carnival colors could mask the blackness of their nature. For they rode as men of their kind have ridden for millenia on wasted steppes and beggared plains skylit by a dustveiled sun their implements glinting and in their hearts a hunger sated in blood.
Come on boys, Ballard said. Let’s lay into these deadeyed hippites. Give no quarter but mind the cotton. Buffalo Exchange wont accept no sullied merchandise.
And from their number arose a cry ancient and of another world entire and the raiders spurred their mounts through the paneglass of the American Apparel and the souls within perished under the blade and the cudgel and their cotton hides were taken from them.